To Each His Own
by ChangelingRin
Summary: Planet-Eaters have to stick together. So it naturally follows that Galactus and Unicron would get together for lunch. Written for the humor, and because I could. Enjoy!


Galactus, Devourer of Worlds, was at lunch.

Why this was worth noting was because he had company.

In the circle of planet-eaters, there weren't too many members around. As such, the few that did exist tended to stick together, or at least check up on one another from time to time.

Hence, why Unicron, Chaos-Bringer and Planet-Eater, was sitting on the other side of the massively oversized table, taking a fork to the violet-colored insignificant sphere on his plate.

"So Gal," Unicron began, swallowing his mouthful. "How've things been on your end of the universe?"

"Better than they were," Galactus replied. He was still perusing his options and trying to ignore the temptation of the populated planets. Delicious though they were, he was seeing how being a committed vegetarian would suit him.

"You solve that issue with that human group?" Unicron asked. "Last time we talked you were in the middle of a war with them."

Galactus put his menu down. "Actually, yes. Turns out all they wanted was for me to _not_ eat their planet. Easily remedied, once I figured that out. I went off and ate some of the Oort Cloud instead, there's so many planetoids out there that nobody noticed."

"You're taking a long time to order," Unicron noted, chewing his planet again.

"I'm trying vegetarianism, actually. This menu has a pitifully small selection."

Unicron, with difficulty, avoided doing a spit-take. "Vegetarianism? I wouldn't have pegged you for that. Why the sudden change?"

Galactus sighed. "You see, it's occurred to me that, when I eat a planet, I also eat the people on it. This is why that human group on Earth took such a disliking to me. For such small creatures they pack a shockingly strong punch, you know," he added matter-of-factly. Unicron, mouth full, made a noncommittal grunting noise and gestured with his fork for Galactus to continue.

"Now, would you or I like to get eaten alive?" Galactus asked theoretically. "No. So, I'm trying not to eat any more populated planets."

"Well, to each his own, I suppose," Unicron said doubtfully. "I don't see how you can be satisfied with that taste though. No life-forms at all?"

"I said vegetarian, not vegan," Galactus said, annoyed. "I'm not eating planets inhabited by _sentient_ life-forms. If the dominant population happens to be toads, then everything is fine. Have you ever seen a toad object to being eaten?"

"No, not verbally."

"Exactly."

"Hmm. You happy with your choice?"

Galactus smiled. "I believe I am."

Unicron speared another forkful of his planet. "Then I won't grudge you for it."

"Thank you, my friend," Galactus said. Then he caught the attention of their waiter, having finally seen an item on the menu that he was interested in.

The next few minutes were filled with dedicated chewing, until Galactus decided to continue their conversation.

"How about you?" He asked the gargantuan metal robot. "What have you been up to lately?"

Unicron scowled. "You remember that planet I told you about? The one that defied me?"

"Cybertron?"

"That's the one. They're _still_ defying me, and doing so infuriatingly competently."

"Have you tried smiting them?"

Unicron sent his friend a deadpan stare. Galactus chuckled.

"Alright, stupid question. What _else_ have you tried?"

"Everything I can think of, plus a few tricks I've learned from others. Like when you use a Herald."

Galactus paused in his chewing. "You used a Herald?"

Unicron sighed. "Well, sort of. I actually just brainwashed a native and tried to use him to sabotage the planet's defenses."

"How'd that work out?"

Unicron stabbed his planet viciously. "It didn't. The traitor double-crossed me."

Galactus snorted despite himself. "And he'd just double-crossed his own planet... what was his name?"

"Starscream."

"He sounds like a real charmer."

Unicron growled and stabbed his planet again. There were a few moments of silence before Galactus spoke up again with, "Had any luck since then?"

"No," Unicron answered grudgingly. "After my fifth failed attempt I decided it would be best to get away for a bit, go and eat a planet what wouldn't resist quite so fiercely. That's what this one is, actually." He motioned to the half-eaten sphere on his plate, which was smoking alarmingly and appeared to be on fire. Galactus peered at it.

"You go for the middle that soon?"

"It's my favorite part!" Unicron protested. "So warm and melty, I just can't make myself wait for very long."

"It's burning the rest of your meal," Galactus noted mildly.

"Oh that's fine, I like them crispy anyways," Unicron replied. Galactus eyed his friend's plate, then shrugged.

"To each his own, I suppose."

And the two titans continued their lunch.

* * *

 **Just an idea I had, really. It's been kicking around in my head for a while and I finally got around to putting it into words. If I messed up either of their backstories, I apologize. It's just meant to be an amusing 'What If' onseshot. Hope you enjoyed!**

 **Changeling**


End file.
